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The Relaxed Male

Dec 5, 2019

I called an audible this week and decided to change the direction of the podcast. One big problem I had was the audio quality was seriously lacking so I dropped my earbuds mic for just the microphone on my phone. This has increased my sound quality a lot and the sound will improve down the road when I get a digital recorder for the show.

The other reason I changed some stuff in this show already is that I got called back to why I was doing my blog and now this podcast. The reason is that we are losing men left and right to suicides. Last year around this time I lost my good dear friend Cory Hicks. Then this year on the 18th of November I lost my best friend from high school.

Jake McDowell was his name. When you hear me talk about going to my friend's house and we would camp out on the circle or out in the pasture. This was the guy I was talking about. He had the tent so we would go on grand adventures. If it were too cold to sleep outside we would sleep in the barn. Sometimes there would be horses in the stalls under us. I actually think this is one of the reasons I like the smell of hay and tack so much now.

Yet I wonder why. Of course, all the survivors wonder why our loved ones take their lives. Sometimes it is evident while others are not so much. Jake is the later, we don’t know why. We only have assumptions that are wrong. Yet this decade seems to have increased in the number of suicides. I have my theories as to why.

I talk about Jake often and now that he is gone, I will talk about him so that his memory stays alive. Jake loved to tell jokes and superstitions. He would cough up a joke at a moment notice and you didn’t know if it was going to be an off color joke or one you could tell you mom. But you laughed at them.

Yet, through the years I lost contact with Jake and I remember the joy of finding him on Facebook. I was able to connect and I would talk to him from time to time. I even went to where he lived and ate catfish with him. It was a incredible time to see my dear friend again. I would still touch base but again I lost the majority of the connection with Jake.

The Connection.

This is what the Relaxed Male is about. I want to help me reconnect. Not only with their friends and family, but with the one person that means the most to them. Men need to reconnect with themselves. We often don’t consider our own interests until everybody else is taken care of. Sadly, that is to our detriment.

Men these days lie to ourselves and say we are too busy to connect with other men. We are losing the coffee shop gatherings. This allows us to have the needed senses of belonging that keep us content and balanced. Yeah getting outdoors provides some of these benefits but talking to our peers is also very important. That is why one of the pillars of Relaxed Male is Family/Community.

Yet the younger men don’t want to have to go through the troubles of answering a phone. Some won’t even answer a phone call, but they will answer a text. Sadly there are nuances that are found in voice communication that is lost in a text. Yeah you can sort of makeup for it with an emoji but it really doesn’t cut the mustard. We have used technology to try to make ourselves more comfortable and in doing so we have become unbearably lost.

Todays you see men who are talking about not having any friends. If you confront them on it they make the excuse of I don’t think I really need friends. Well, they don’t realize they just cried out for help. These young men want friends but don’t want to get uncomfortable. Without that discomfort, they don’t grow. That lack of growth causes you to be stunted as a man. You lose needed skills so that you can be as helpful to the community as you possibly can.

So this week go out and talk to someone. Make a connection hone that connection so that it is noticeable when you haven’t been in contact with that other man in a couple of days. You will be happier for it.

If you want a community to join look to the Conclave of Men