Dec 9, 2021
As nice guys, we really hate having people not be at a certain level. If they are unhappy or upset for any reason, we feel we have to fix it. Even if people are having more fun and laughing beyond our comfort level, we have to find a way to fix the issue instead of just allowing people to be.
Nice guys feel that they have to fix a problem out of the hopes that that person will start to like and appreciate us.
When in all reality people do t want us to just fix it. In fact, most people don’t want us to come rushing in on a white horse and rescue them. They want to figure it out themselves. Much like a two-year-old, “No! I do it”
When you jump into a person's problem uninvited or otherwise you often become annoying. And this creates so much of the marriage problems that nice guys see in their married life.
That fear darling bride is getting annoyed with you trying to fix everything when she has it under control and here you come crashing in like the Koolaid man and mess the whole thing up.
allow those around you to live their life and process their emotions
This is the hard part that many nice guys face. They can’t just step back they believe a person should be a certain way and when they don’t meet that expectation they either start talking in a passive-aggressive way or often aggressive form and this keeps the other person from being able to live their life in the fashion they want to live.
Yeah, it can create some anxiety in you when your wife is upset with you or her best friend or the neighbor down the street. But these emotions will not kill her nor will they kill you. You can just be there for her. Sit with her listen. Don’t fix let her live life and know that you are by her side.
It’s not up to us.
It’s not up to you to fix the problem. It is not up to you to have people like you. They will like you for being who you are. Yeah there will be some people who will not like you and that is ok. You will not suffer some catastrophic loss of your limbs if you don’t make them like you. They are just humans, being.