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The Relaxed Male

Apr 8, 2021

If you are a veteran there is an event just for you coming August 5-8 in Byrd, AR. It is being brought to you by Operation: Tears of the 22. There will be food trucks, music, talks, and Jeep rides. If you are interested you can get more information on Facebook event page

Question Of The Week

How does someone adapt to not having a mother throughout their lives and not be bitter?
A boy needs his mother yes. The same as a boy needs his father. The same as a girl needs both parents as well. Now why the reasons why your mother left can vary and I don’t know the reasons as to why you don’t have your mom in your life. Yet it could be that your mom wasn’t around because she died, to drug abuse, to some other very selfish reasons. People have had their mothers leave their lives for centuries and millenniums. Yet some people are able to carry on and others sit in self-pity feeling bad for themselves. Asking a question they can never answer. There are some good bits of news and some bad bits of news on this front. The Bad News Let’s get the hard part over with. Yes, your mother left you. It is sad, and you don’t have a reason why. The frustrating part of this is that you will never have a full reason why. Even if your mom is still alive, you won’t get all your questions answered. My mom left me and my dad. Now she was still in my life. So I was in a better boat Thani other people but she left my dad and me to live in a small town and she went to a large city. When I was younger there were times that I was sad that she left. Yeah, I was glad when I got to see her and knew that she loved me. Yet she wasn’t around. I went through a time of thinking it was me and I acted out in those times. really gave my stepmother a rough time. I am not proud of my past as a young man. I almost repeated the whole thing when my daughter was born. I didn’t see her first year in her life yet Thankfully I did see her and eventually had her in my house for several years till she wanted to go back to her grandmother’s house. Now I tell that whole story to explain we all adapt. How you adapt is up to you. There is very little in life you can control and the fact that you are wanting to know how to have that feeling in your life that you had a mom that cared for you. Now since I don’t know your mom I don’t know for sure but if your mom is still alive, there is a chance that she does still care about you. She may not show it in the ways you would imagine she should but that is where your resistance in life is coming from. You are shoulding on her instead of living your life to the fullest. You can’t control her actions or her thoughts. You can’t make her proud nor can you make her proud of you. The same as you can’t make your dad proud of you, or make anybody feel anything. THeir emotions cant be felt by you. Now they may perform an action to display their emotions but you can take those actions to mean anything. I would say if you had a mom how would she act? Then know that is nothing more than a manual for how our mom should operate. She will not live up to that lofty set of requirements. You have the ability to accept that your mother isn’t available. She is self-absorbed or she is homeless and drugged out of her mind. You can and need to apply all the facts you do know. You can choose to love her for all of her flaws. Yeah even if she is a tweaker living on the street. She is able to be loved. The same as you. You may think a mom should at in a certain way yet, moms are human and they will do what they want to do. You have no control over other people’s actions. Sad but true. If and when you have a 2-year-old you will learn this very quickly. They have their own agency and they want to try everything. You cant keep them from climbing the couch and jumping off the back and onto the cushions. The good news Because you don’t have a mom you can turn to right now or at any time you may feel as if you are not loved. You may feel as if you are unloveable. Have you ever really paid attention to that word loveable? Think about it. Mull it over while you read this next part. Do you remember how I said how you can’t feel other people’s emotions? The same goes for others. They can’t feel any of your emotions either. Your emotions come from your thoughts. They don’t come from the actions or events that happen to you. When a particular circumstance comes about you develop a thought about it. That thought creates an emotion. Right now you are having thoughts that are along the line that you didn’t have a mom that showed you love. Therefore you are having something in the way of thought that you are unloveable. That is simply not the case. Now let’s look at that word, loveable. Break it down Love and able. It points to exactly what I am saying you are able to love anybody you want to. The person who is in your life can be there strictly for you to love. You get all the benefits of feeling that love, and the other person can stop you. So you are you lovable? Yes because YOU are able to love. You can control your thoughts, which creates your emotions. Those emotions are for you to feel. You don’t have to feel happy and joyful all the time. In fact, it is good to feel sad and other “negative” emotions from time to time when they serve you. You don’t have to be held slave to the thought that your mother didn’t love you. You just couldn’t see her actions to show you that she loved you. You have a choice you can make. LOve those and live life to the fullest. Make the most of each day or you can choose to pine for someone who may have loved you and thought they made the best choice for what they were experiencing at that time. Main Topic There are two types of people the producer and the consumer. Do you contribute to your friends, family and work? Or do you just show up for a paycheck? The liability man is the man who just shows up for work complains the whole time he is there and expects a paycheck at the end of the pay period. While the producer is adding value to all he does. This goes for his friends and family. He is working to enrich their lives not take from it.