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The Relaxed Male

May 13, 2021


Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Me

Why am I not happy in my life?

There are a lot of reasons that you are lacking joy and happiness in your life. Since I don't know you from adam I can only guess as to why you are unhappy and restless.

The number one reason I would surmise is that you don't have a purpose. What gets you out of bed each morning? People need to have a why a purpose, a passion Whatever you would like to call it, you need one. Something that allows you to struggle and get out of your comfort zone.

Sadly many people are just way too damn comfortable for their life. We need struggle and discomfort to have joy in our lives. Much like how we need the valleys of life to celebrate the summits of our achievements. We need dark to appreciate the light. It may sound like a horrible and cruel paradox but look at anybody who is genuinely happy and they will tell about the hard times they had in their life.

Why do you think so many poor people appear to be so happy while rich people often appear to be so miserable. That is because of the benefit of the struggle.

So how do you wade into something uncomfortable? I would say write down 10 or more things that scare you. Is it speaking in public or possibly joining a group. Start small. You may do what Jia Jiang did and just get people to tell him no.

There find the things that scare you and start trying to do them. Don't be afraid of failure. That is a part of learning and skill-building. You didn’t just hop on to a bicycle and start riding no you fell over and over again until you got it.

Be a part of something bigger than you. This could be a charity or maybe a project like starting your own business. Yes, the business can be bigger than you. A business is nothing more than you getting paid for a service you perform. So you can find fulfillment from starting a business.

You don't have to worry so much about passion. That will actually grow as you get more and more involved with whatever you are doing.

Use a gratitude journal You can't be unhappy when you are truly grateful. You can start to change your mindset and attitude by looking at what you are grateful for. Write down each day 3 things you are grateful for. You might even challenge yourself and say you can't use the same thing more than once every 7 days. So Go out and try it. Keep searching for that why and you will find it.

Main Topic

So many times we let the opinions of others dictate our decisions.


  • You are going to fail
  • He looks ridiculous
  • That is a fool's errand
  • You cant do that

What is an opinion?

An opinion

1. a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
"I'm writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance"

2. the beliefs or views of a large number or majority of people about a particular thing.
"The changing climate of opinion"

3. An estimation of the quality or worth of someone or something.
"I had a higher opinion of myself than I deserved"

Definitions from Oxford Languages 

Opinions are not facts they are thoughts believed to be true. In other words, opinions are nothing more than thoughts.

My wife is being irrational, is an opinion. My kids don't listen, is an opinion. Opinions are also anything with an emotion tied to it. My wife is mad, is an opinion.

We often take opinions and apply them to our lives. We were told out being a writer was a dumb idea because you can't make any money from it. You cant be an artist because you will starve. Those are again opinions, they aren't true for you. It may be that Uncle Joe failed as a screenwriter and he is sharing his opinion because of how much it hurt for him to fail. His experience isn't yours.

Take the opinions as just that opinions. They may have nuggets of truth in them but that doesn't mean you are not worthy of trying. You never know what you can do till you actually take a swing at your dream. Will you fail? Yeah is it because Uncle Joe said so? Only if you allow it.