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The Relaxed Male

Apr 15, 2021



The Operation: Tears of the 22 off the Hardball event is coming up on August 5-8 Free for veterans and their families. There are going to be Jeep clubs there for you to go rock crawling and other jeep trails. Fishing and hiking, Then there is the benefit of being our in nature.


Event Page:


Question of the week


Why does toxic masculinity exist in our society?


The term toxic masculinity was a word created by people who needed a boogyman to pin their troubles on. Now with that said there is no actual toxic masculinity there are however guys who don't know how to act and the cause of this is because of a lack of strong masculine presence in these boy's lives.


This is thanks to the no-fault divorce and the government coming in to play the financial part of the father role. There are many people who think with these events that men are not needed for much and that isn’t the case. Men are vital to the raising of kids and boys in particular. Men teach kids boundaries and why sticking to those boundaries is important. Men teach kids that being strong and competitive is needed for you to be successful. Men also teach their kids that hard work is imperative to being able to get what you are wanting.


Men also show boys how a man is supposed to act. Without the strong male influence in a boy's life, they look to other boys who are older and don't have a father who taught them how to act. So the problem is slowly amplifying itself since the ’60s.


Main Topic


We have all heard the phrase happy wife happy life right? What does that typically mean to you or others? It seems that many people and this includes women, people completely misinterpret what this old saying means and how it is supposed to be implemented.


How do you have a happy wife?


You have a happy wife by making sure you let her know that you are on her side. Often we mistake this phrase to mean that if we don’t do her bidding then she will make us miserable. For many men that is true. If you don’t do something she wants you to do then there may be hell to pay in the long run. 


For many guys, this is essentially making it so that she has to micromanage you and this causes a reduction of respect, and that is where the problems start cropping up. That is because if your woman doesn’t respect you then she will find someone else who she can respect. 


Now if you are in a marriage where the wife doesn’t respect you already, sweat it but know that you are able to turn the tide and start building respect.


You cannot make a person happy


Now one of the biggest reasons that the saying of Happy wife is a happy life is because you absolutely can not make your wife happy. The same as she can’t make you happy, it is physically impossible. It is mentally impossible too.


Your emotions are your emotions and those emotions come from your thoughts. Now you can react or respond to a person’s actions, but your thoughts are what create your emotions. 


For instance, if your wife tells you that you are not able to buy that new bass boat, you have the choice to be angry or to be ok with that decision. You can find a different way to acquire that new boat that will allow you to have it. Then again you can stomp around and be angry, which in my experience does no good. Sure you can pout like a 5-year-old who doesn’t get a candy bar, but you aren’t going to win your wife over to your side. She may cave but it will be with great resentment. That’s not helping your case either.


You can also take the old stand by, buying flowers. You can think this will make her happy and it may very well do so. Then again it may cause her to think what did you buy now? See you can’t make her happy. She is the only one who can actually make herself feel the emotion of happiness or joy. Sorry man, you may be able to curl her toes in the bed but if she isn’t happy with herself she won’t be happy. 


This means to help them feel safe and secure


To have a wife who is loving and engaged in your life. There are things you can do to actually ease her mind. The biggest is to help her feel safe and heard. This can be a challenge for us Mr, fix-it types because we try to do this all the time and it doesn’t work. Then we sit around and wonder why women are so hard to figure out.


The key to helping her feel safe, secure, and heard is to talk. Don’t fix it, but listen till you fully understand what she is saying to you. Many people think parroting what we believe to be the key points will help, and sometimes it does. Yet it really rings true to her when you can summarise what she is saying. If she says no that’s not it or not entirely then it is time to go back and ask more questions to her until you fully understand.


We also have to make sure that she feels secure. Not only financially but physically too. Now the physical part can be easy for use men, the financial part can be tricky especially when either one of you has a scarcity mindset


That doesn’t mean that you do their bidding


Now sadly many of us guys turn into Mr. Nice Guy thinking that this is what Happy Wife’s happy life means. This is disastrous to a relationship. Mr. Nice Guy doesn’t get any respect. He doesn’t stand for anything and that blushing bride will ride off with a biker quicker than you can say, “Yes Dear”


Now if she asks you to do something you can choose to go do it for her but if you are busy then tell her, I can right now I am in the middle of this project. She will either say Ok when you are done, or she will go get it herself.


Whatever you don’t just drop what you are doing and go run after it. Your wife doesn’t want a slave. If you disagree with something and you firmly believe that it will help you out. Then go for it, but don’t go behind her back. That is a trust violator and that is even harder to get back than the respect.


Build integrity with her especially if the object is financial. You just spending money higgeldy Piggeldy will create more of the financial insecurity and that is shooting you in the foot.


Now there are chores you will have to do and for the same reasons that the kids have to do their chores. These are things needed for the house to run properly. So if you want to help her do the dishes then good. Help her. If she asks if you can help her and you are sitting on the couch doing nothing then help her. Nothing wrong with your two teaming up to get the chores done.


Help her purpose


Another way you can help her is to see when she is showing interest in something and help her with that. Maybe she is wanting to start gardening. Then go find a book that will help her get the best tomato plants. If she is learning how to paint then maybe surprise her with painting lessons. This can be a challenge as it will cost some money but if it helps her find her personal spark in creativity then you are on the right path.