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The Relaxed Male


Nov 11, 2021

There have been a few events in all our lives these events or circumstances are always happening to us. These events can be seen as great and positive or they can be perceived as being disastrous and awful. I have had a few big events happen here recently. I have started certification in a coaching course that I have drooled over for several tears and the opportunity has finally presented itself. So, I decided to take it.

I am going to be sharing what I learn and as I go through the class my definitions and uses of words may change as I make new discoveries about what I believe and if and when they change I will be sharing those with you here on the podcast and in the blog.

Maybe your life has had circumstances where you were abused or you had a parent abandon you. Maybe you were raised by your mom and she had a parade of boyfriends come through each one treated you differently. Maybe you had an uncle who dumped all over your dream or a teacher who said you would never make it. Maybe you had a parent ground you from everything you liked to do.

Then again maybe your life is in total disarray, or you live in an abusive relationship. You see your life as crap and the only solace you can find is a hit off the bottle or to drag on a bong. The point is we all have circumstances in our life and they are there. There is no denying that stuff happens. It may be good or it may be bad but it is a part of your life.

What are circumstances?

Now for ease, I do want to define what circumstances are. because our definitions and meanings of words can vary from person to person. What you think of as a circumstance by one person may be viewed as just an observance. So it will help if I can define what an event is.

Circumstance = a fact or condition connected with or relevant to an event or action.

In other words, it is the facts of your life. You are broken. May seem as if it is a fact when in reality it isn't. You may have gone through some stuff in your life but is that provable in court? What you see as a hard life may be seen as "easy street" to another person. Many people here in the USA may see the poor but when you compare them to those considered poor in India or Africa you see that our poor are actually very wealthy.

Circumstances are nothing more than the bare facts of your life. They are not the emotions you are feeling nor are they the opinions as to what you are feeling. They are just the facts.

  • Your bank account says you only have 32 cents left. That is a fact.
  • Your wife throws things at you. That is a fact.
  • Your son smokes cigarettes. That is a fact.
  • Your son is disrespectful. Not a fact.
  • Your daughter shows too much skin. Not a fact
  • Your wife hates you. Not a fact.

Do you see the difference? Facts are concrete. They are not what you believe. Beliefs are thoughts you perceive to be true. They are not thoughts that is what you are thinking of the circumstance. Facts are facts, and I get that the definition of facts has been warped thanks to those who like to play with words and change them to mean what they think the word should mean. I try not to do that, and for one the definition of circumstance will be the facts and nothing more.

Circumstances are neutral

Now, this may be a bit shocking for some. Facts are neither positive nor are they negative. They simply are. Circumstances do not have a meaning till we apply a thought to them. So your life is hard and challenging is the thought you have about the circumstance of you not having enough money to buy a hamburger.

Many people want to push back against the thought that a circumstance is neutral. They say so a car wreck where someone dies is neutral? Yep, it is. Natural disasters are neutral? Yes, they are. Your grandmother dying is neutral? Again yes it is. Even the events of 9-11 are neutral.

They all are neutral until we apply our thoughts to that circumstance. The people in the USA were mad and horrified by the toppling of the twin towers. So our thoughts were that this was horrible and created a feeling of unease and anger in us. Yet on the other side of the world in the Middle East, there were people celebrating the falling of the World Trade Center Towers. Was one wrong? Well, that is a thought.

An example of having two different thoughts on a single circumstance is when you and your friend go to the same movie at the same time in the same theater and both walk out of the movie with a different experience. I had this experience when I was dating a girl and we went to see Natural Born Killers. She hated the movie and I thought it was great. Were we seeing different movies? No, she just had a different thought of the movie we had just watched.

It's about your thoughts

Your thoughts are what's creating your suffering. I get that there may be a bit of cognitive dissidence going on there, but it is true. Your thoughts are what actually create your emotions and those emotions are what keep you from doing the things you want to do.

So do I just change my thoughts?

You can if you decide that the thought isn't serving you. If you are tired of having your life appear crappy then change how you are looking at your life. It takes work. Don't get me wrong it isn't an easy fix it takes examining what you are thinking over and over and over again to really get across the gap of changing your beliefs. You will want to go back to what is comfortable and doesn't take that much energy to do but if you work at it you can go from the comfort of self-imposed misery to the excitement of new adventures.

Want help?

Reach out and contact me or schedule a call and see what I can do to help you out.

Brotherhood of Men also has room available